It was 05:00 am and the alarm shrieked like a pig in pain and I jumped off the bed. It was just another Sunday morning; the only difference was that I had my first examination in the list of exams I was to give under the distance learning course through SCDL. After a sluggish routine I checked the wall clock which was smiling back at me saying “Honey you are late”. I had to catch a train to Mumbai at 06:45 am and it was already 06:30 and I was still at home. I rushed through the morning fog, parked my vehicle and somehow managed to be on the platform before the train. My gal had not come either, relief flowed through my blood as I dint have to listen to her scolding if by any chance I was late. Then I saw an angel descending from heaven …. I mean the stairs and I saw her gliding down with eyes fixed on me. I was little shy and turned away and started looking here and there, I know I am a dork. But from the corner of my eyes I could see her coming closer, every moment made her closer to me and the beats in my heart were harder each time, I could sense her closeness to me, her eyes were still fixed on me, my hands were stiff and I could barely think. Before all this was over she came to me and whispered in my ears “I Love You Sho”. There was my gal - beautiful, wet hair, sweet, a small pimple on her left cheek, cute, a little sweeter, and little fat – Very Little.
We boarded the train and on the way had a pleasant time sitting besides each other and studying for the upcoming examination in the day. I saw that the fog filled morning was beautiful to its core and thought it promised a beautiful day ahead… that was when I had an urge to fart. Well I controlled it for few seconds and then gave away. It was a short harmless one and did not attract any attention – not even my gal’s. We reached the examination center in Andheri before time and made arrangements to appear it before the scheduled time. Fifteen minutes on the desktop delivered me my first online examination result – 61 out of 70. WOOO! Man! I was happy.
We both left the examination center and took an auto to Juhu. On the way we stole many kisses, each one making it impossible for me to control myself for a better one. Anyways we shopped for some stuff and I even eyed few hot gals in the market. Then we decided to go to PVR for the new release “TUM MILE”. The movie was a bore and Soha Ali Khan was looking old all the more. I ditched the movie and stole some mind blowing, heart pumping kisses in the theatre. The only attraction for the movie was GO watch the movie with your girl friend and do buy corner seats. After the movie it was lunch time, the PVR Sprite had prominently occupied my bladder space and I could forecast a change in weather conditions. We went to Juhu beach and after some initial tantrums of the great me, went inside Shiv Sagar the restaurant. It was a lunch date with my gal after examination, after shopping and after a movie – a huge achievement. I freshened up and peeeeeeeeeeeeed for a pretty long time. I could see the Sprite worth Rs.80 going down the drain. We ordered dry Manchurian and Veg Biriyani. The food was delicious and enjoyed every bit of it. The Ice Gola we had in desert at the Juhu beach was due since eternity and finally My Gal seemed to be the happiest person in the world.
The trip back to Andheri station was not that happy though. I could feel a boulder moving inside my intestine. I started searching for the DVD of Windows 7 with a road side vendor, when suddenly the earth stood still… my eyes were transfixed on the Windows 7 DVD… I could not move an inch… all the sounds around me blurred and I realized it was too late; I had an immediate urge to “GO Potty”. My Gal was trying to pull me to the next vendor but I did not move. I could not hear what she was saying and I was filled with an instant emotion of “SHIT What have I done?” I started perspiring and I could feel the sweat start from my neck and going down through the spine… Some how I managed to walk and then disclosed my feelings to My Gal. She was all concerned and smiling at the same time and I was like “SHIT Why does this happens to me?” My Gal suggested we go the Mac Donald’s and I could use its space for unloading my vessel. But as if I was destined to write this blog, there was already a long queue. When I reached there with a face as sad as my butt there were people smiling back at me saying “The person inside is taking long, we have been waiting for the last 15 minutes”. I was really touched by his sentiment and shot back “I can understand your feeling”. I came outside Mac D and felt that the turmoil has loosened a bit and I could feel that the Potty God have shown some mercy by postponing the delivery.
The train arrived and the journey back was difficult for both of us. My Gal did not want to go back and desperately wanted to get of the skin I was into. My Gal was missing the moments spent together and I was just able to recall the “SHIT” that happened to me. To alter my thoughts I played with the kid sitting in the front seat for a while and took My Gal in arms when the kid was not looking, slept for a while and tried not to despise myself.
Finally I reached Valsad, reached home, reached my toilet all in no time. Then I opened the flood gates to hell. I did it with all the might I could spare. That was the longest time ever in my life, I worshipped the Potty God.
I would happily conclude “The day I shit my pants was the happiest day of my life”.
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