The time is 01:23 AM now, after a failed attempt to connect to the internet I finally decided to write down what comes to my mind. I believe my decision to buy this new laptop will help me develop my writing skills if any. I should keep on writing. The one thing that I thought was I should jot down all that is going in my stupid boring life. I am sick of this job; I don’t feel like working anymore, my mind never stops thinking. Even if I am sleeping I have this weird buzz humming inside of me somewhere. I question Google, is this symptom of madness. But guess Google does not understand my question and it can never answer in a close ended manner of a simple “yes” or “no”.
What do I want from life is yet again a question that’s unanswered. Consider this my stupidity for I don’t bother to find an answer to it even. Ah! Crap.
I don’t feel like writing anymore. I can’t concentrate if you can see.
Once there was a guy who had a stick in his ass. He acted weird all the time and his face had look as if he is trying to pull out that stick. Anyways that guy died of ass attack few days back. Yes it’s a true story. He was crossing the road and suddenly he had the urge to scratch his ass. As his hands were full he sat on the road and started rubbing his stick-full ass. He was deeply involved in it and did not give heed to the honks of the upcoming big mouth elephant size trailer. You can guess the rest.
Anyways my point is I feel like I will end up like him some day if I surely don’t change my track. I need to do something solid. Challenging!
See you next time… hey! My internet is back… I will post it right away.
January 17, 2010
Finding ones lost love is practically possible if you have a director like Imtiyaz Ali (LAK) or Kunal Kohli (Hum Tum). However we don’t have that privilege where we can play God to our life. By the way God is there, just to make the edges smooth when it becomes unduly rough for us. Moreover God in his grand scheme of things just ignores most of the love stories going down on earth, for; every second story has a resentful ending to it. Now God is not there to change it, he just makes it easier for the parties involved to sustain the aftermath. (Statistics: Chitragupt Diaries –Just Kidding)
When I was in school, a mention of me flirting with girls in future was treated with raised eyebrows and “Mein teri Mummy ko Bol dunga” attitude by my friends. Now we talk “Yaar kitni Patayi”. It makes me wonder how our own world changes and we don’t realize the change unless we ponder on it or in my case when I blog. The day I first laid my eyes on “A###” in the first year of my college, I decided she is my first and last love, though I didn’t take an oath like Saif in LAK, even then I was not sure. However, I graduated from my college neither with my first nor with my last love on my credit. I didn’t even score a respectful mark sheet. This made me think… “I should have had at least one girlfriend for the sake of it.”
But when the season for blooming descended in my life I didn’t felt the need of any Imtiyaz Ali or Kunal Kohli. I could easily do it myself that too with utmost elegance I can think of. Now I am in a situation wherein I feel I should abstain from falling in love again. I mean falling in love three times – isn’t it enough! I know when My Gal will read through the next few lines; the repercussions will be high voltage. Anyways taking the plunge – I have a social responsibility to make the world a better place.
I feel love is just a need, an utmost necessity a human can perceive when he is weak at his brain and heart at the same time.
Also implies, love is just another ‘desire’ wrapped in ‘need’ which when fulfilled from a ‘source’, tends to move on to the next level wherein the same ‘desire’ or ‘need’ is sought to be fulfilled by the new ‘source’.
The Need based dimension of Love is what I will call the above which has been derived upon by real life experiences unlike LAK or Hum Tum or infact DDLJ. The stuff that is shown in these movies is not possible. Anyone would like to differ? – You have the comment section make use of it.
But, at a place where the real world scenario does not exist, I myself feel that Love has a unique dimension which cannot be put into words, but just felt by the funny sensation that you have in your stomach when your heart stops beating as you look into the eyes of your love.
By the way my favorite movie is DDLJ.
December 20, 2009
We boarded the train and on the way had a pleasant time sitting besides each other and studying for the upcoming examination in the day. I saw that the fog filled morning was beautiful to its core and thought it promised a beautiful day ahead… that was when I had an urge to fart. Well I controlled it for few seconds and then gave away. It was a short harmless one and did not attract any attention – not even my gal’s. We reached the examination center in Andheri before time and made arrangements to appear it before the scheduled time. Fifteen minutes on the desktop delivered me my first online examination result – 61 out of 70. WOOO! Man! I was happy.
We both left the examination center and took an auto to Juhu. On the way we stole many kisses, each one making it impossible for me to control myself for a better one. Anyways we shopped for some stuff and I even eyed few hot gals in the market. Then we decided to go to PVR for the new release “TUM MILE”. The movie was a bore and Soha Ali Khan was looking old all the more. I ditched the movie and stole some mind blowing, heart pumping kisses in the theatre. The only attraction for the movie was GO watch the movie with your girl friend and do buy corner seats. After the movie it was lunch time, the PVR Sprite had prominently occupied my bladder space and I could forecast a change in weather conditions. We went to Juhu beach and after some initial tantrums of the great me, went inside Shiv Sagar the restaurant. It was a lunch date with my gal after examination, after shopping and after a movie – a huge achievement. I freshened up and peeeeeeeeeeeeed for a pretty long time. I could see the Sprite worth Rs.80 going down the drain. We ordered dry Manchurian and Veg Biriyani. The food was delicious and enjoyed every bit of it. The Ice Gola we had in desert at the Juhu beach was due since eternity and finally My Gal seemed to be the happiest person in the world.
The trip back to Andheri station was not that happy though. I could feel a boulder moving inside my intestine. I started searching for the DVD of Windows 7 with a road side vendor, when suddenly the earth stood still… my eyes were transfixed on the Windows 7 DVD… I could not move an inch… all the sounds around me blurred and I realized it was too late; I had an immediate urge to “GO Potty”. My Gal was trying to pull me to the next vendor but I did not move. I could not hear what she was saying and I was filled with an instant emotion of “SHIT What have I done?” I started perspiring and I could feel the sweat start from my neck and going down through the spine… Some how I managed to walk and then disclosed my feelings to My Gal. She was all concerned and smiling at the same time and I was like “SHIT Why does this happens to me?” My Gal suggested we go the Mac Donald’s and I could use its space for unloading my vessel. But as if I was destined to write this blog, there was already a long queue. When I reached there with a face as sad as my butt there were people smiling back at me saying “The person inside is taking long, we have been waiting for the last 15 minutes”. I was really touched by his sentiment and shot back “I can understand your feeling”. I came outside Mac D and felt that the turmoil has loosened a bit and I could feel that the Potty God have shown some mercy by postponing the delivery.
The train arrived and the journey back was difficult for both of us. My Gal did not want to go back and desperately wanted to get of the skin I was into. My Gal was missing the moments spent together and I was just able to recall the “SHIT” that happened to me. To alter my thoughts I played with the kid sitting in the front seat for a while and took My Gal in arms when the kid was not looking, slept for a while and tried not to despise myself.
Finally I reached Valsad, reached home, reached my toilet all in no time. Then I opened the flood gates to hell. I did it with all the might I could spare. That was the longest time ever in my life, I worshipped the Potty God.
I would happily conclude “The day I shit my pants was the happiest day of my life”.
December 13, 2009
November 7, 2009
Now this may sound strange but it is what I felt. Last week I visited my ex-girl friend when I was in her city. I was very excited to meet her… guess it was after a year. The last time we met the situation was different, she was about to be engaged to her present hubby and I was just looking at the stuff that she bought for the engagement and marriage thereafter. Wow! I still remember the night gown that she bought and she had no problems in showing it to me; just that the gown was transparent enough to that anyone could see her heart through it however nobody could notice how burnt my heart was when I saw it. Ah! Chalta hai.
I rang the door bell once, unlaced my shoes and waited but no one turned up. I rang the bell once again and this time there was some movement on the other side of the door. With every sound of the door getting unbolted my heart began to skip a beat, after all I m gonna meet my ex-gal who is now a wife of someone I don’t know and expecting to deliver a baby in few days(Ya.. Ya.. they could not wait for a year also. Government should spread Family Planning concepts more diligently). Finally the door opened…
(Thoughts) and my dialogues:
(Oh! It’s the maid; I thought she (my gal) will open the door)
(Wait a minute…. Its herrrrr… then why is she looking like a maid)
Heyyyyyyyyyy, is it you?????????
This is really you….. (Yes damn it this is her)
(What happened to her)
You are looking great, just a little different. (I think I forgot her face).
I thought you will be stouter; you are not that fat though.
The pimples on your face are making you stand out…. (But so many of them… are they giving a standing ovation to me?).
(Where is the maid? I need water)
Hey it’s ok I just had tea no need for all these formalities.
You come and sit with me many things to talk about.
How is the kid? Hope you are doing well? How is your hubby?
When is the expected date? When is your hubby coming?
You will have a boy. I am damn sure about that.
(What am I doing? I should get out of here)
(Nothing to talk about. God if you are watching do something. I am unable to handle the situation)
I should leave now. Got some work.
Definitely I will have tea next time. (At least you should have asked for water)
Sure!!!!!!! Why did you say that, I will surely come, I am really excited to see your kid.
(Obviously it will not be looking like me, why I should be excited)
(God! She is still very good; just we don’t have anything in common guess)
(Wo!!!!!! What is wrong with me? Why was acting so weird)
(Good that we met)
(I should write about this on my blog)
After a long fifteen minutes I left her place with all kinds of strange feelings. I guess I was baffled by just looking at her. She was looking different and I was not my normal self. I think its ok to feel baffled. After all she was my ex-girlfriend. This episode calls for a cigarette I thought but then a picture of a gal came in my mind. I promised her that I will not smoke, but how will she come to know I thought. I went to the PAN ka Galla and asked for a Classic Regular. The PAN wala took out a piece and I with utmost relish lit it. I then threw the entire cigarette and stamped it with my shoe. What a relief?
September 27, 2009
This is for the woman I know I love I praise
I know you are the life, reality, and grace
When on a day I lose, I want to be with you
Not knowing I want to cry, but can’t tell it to you
And when you come to me, O baby with your smile,
The pain goes away, away from me for a whole while.
O Yeh! This is for the woman I know I love I praise
I know you are the life, reality, and grace
Tell it to me the way I want, the ways for me that you want
Leaving away the things I like, I like to be with you all night
It’s the good that you see in me, that makes me good all to be
And when I feel good for my life, I know it was u all the time.
Uh Uhh! This is for the woman I know I love I praise
I know you are the life, reality, and grace
When I don’t have you my babe, my life is missing you in awe
When tomorrow you are back, I will wait for the stars to be black
Beneath the sky when I kiss your lips; I will say, you I did miss
When that touch will make me cry, I know my life would pry.
For this is for the woman I know I love I praise,
You are the life, reality, and grace.
September 21, 2009
September 20, 2009
I never thought I will be alone one day, my friends, my girl & my job will be there with me always. But today sitting on the bench on the road to the beach, I felt I am alone to the extent I can feel. I just sat there looking at the swarm of bikes, cars, people, all going towards the beach to enjoy the evening. They seemed happy. Are they? In true sense of happiness I can’t advocate that. But when will I know when I am happy. I can’t understand the sense of happiness. Is it viable?
I pondered on these philosophical aspects of my life. Had a fear too, do I need to know the answers to these questions. Will finding the answers to these questions really make me happy. I guess some unanswered questions help us to live life. We wait for the answers and thus live along with it – the questions.
Guys, Its evening prayer time now, will write after I pray…
I just wondered when I was happy today. Was it when I got to sleep till 10:30 in morning or was it when I ate the fried Pomfrets cooked by Dad or was it when I stimulated an act of love to my girl in the afternoon or was it when I fagged after that or was it when I spoke with Jasmine after a long time or is it now when I am writing this. These moments did make me smile, my heart was thinking and my brain sidelined.
Friends just got a message from my girl now just wanted to share, that’s weird “Hmmm…. I think that” I messaged back a “?”
Anyways, sitting there on the bench I tried to call all my friends so that I could share my time and rug out these uncanny feelings. They were making me restless. I tried Srujal – he was out of town, he also shared that Sivish is out of town too. I called Vikas he was visiting one of his family friends and will meet in another half an hour. I called my girl and disconnected, I dint want to talk to her about it otherwise she will be all concerned. I called an old office colleague, she dint pick up. I called Siby, he answered.
My girl now replied “I have fallen in love again, today, just now…” Stumped I shot back “How come?” Now this has started to bug me... I can’t concentrate, she is up to something.
Coming back to the call with Siby, we as usual started off on a light note. Both of us realized that it was Brian’s wedding yesterday and we dint wish him. We called him and had a conference call. Taking pot shots on him and ultimately making him realize that he is no more a bachelor we hung up. Poor thing could not even react as he has to play the decent groom role in front of his in laws. Siby and I continued our discussion. The topic was marriage. We both as it seems are unaware of a constant desire that is developing in our mind. “I got to get married” As Siby said “We have high hopes regarding our marriage & married life, It will be as if one fine day the church bells will ring for us in a special tone and the angels come down on earth and bestow their blessings in the form of a super sweet, understanding and a beautiful girl.” Now when we know that’s not going to happen in the order it is said; still we have high hopes I guess. The main attribute that we discussed about is that marriage changes a person. We quoted many live examples in real life. The priorities change and we tend to be more practical (a guy thing). After marriage guys turn to be unsentimental towards their friends (guys again). They don’t care whether the guy whose underwear he used share in an eternity of his life is even wearing one today. Well we can argue that it’s none of his business but the line is just a personification of the great eternity of time. The chat with Siby was refreshing and I enjoyed every bit of it.
Oh! There is a message in my inbox, God it should be her (my girl). The message runs like this…“Just now, I closed my eyes and fell in love with you all over again”. See my girl, how I can not love her more even more than this. Hey SHE when you read this please try to understand why I am not reacting back. I m writing naa…
Thereafter, I sat there on the bench, exactly an hour after we spoke, Vikas called that he is coming. He brought some cigarettes which we enjoyed sitting on the bench talking about ourselves and about everything we laid our eyes on. It was getting dark and we left for our home.
End of the day I was happy. I am I guess…